Porn is love you can see.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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