just tell him i said nine months
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
