I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
