I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think a kid would responsible me up
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
