she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Are my feet made of real feet?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
