I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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