i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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