I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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