I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
