there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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