i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
