pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she told me i tasted like america
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
