I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Couch. On fire.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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