I cannot find my penis.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
well you can't waste a boner
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
