when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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