just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
