It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
