bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
