Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
