dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
