Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
