my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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