apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
