My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
