i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
