I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
