Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
