You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
