He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
