; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
