i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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