What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
