I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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