I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
