drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
