I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
