I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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