I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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