Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
