She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
