honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
