Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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