Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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