Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
