This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You don't make any sense
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