I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
