she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
...so i touched it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
