Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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