i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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