Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
