His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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