it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
